impRAWvise 

I strongly believe that there are times in life when we just need to be focusing more on taking care of ourselves and nurturing ourselves. So many times we might be hiding behind work, relationships, drugs or drinks, excessive eating or drinking, and any other type of behavior that might just be some form of addiction, socialy accepted and validating or not, but in the end it is all a protection mechanism that at some point in our lives made sense, but maybe, just maybe it no longer serves us anymore. I believe that throughout the years I struggled with co-dependency, although I do feel pretty good by myself, I am not affraid of being alone, but I might be affraid instead of feeling lonely, and even if I do appreciate the single times, most of the time I just like to know that at least I am seeing someone, at least there is something going on in that direction, even if I might not have any interest at a specific point in time and space to invest more in that particular relation. I do believe that co-dependency, the need to be in a relationship, constantly jumping from one thing to the next is just exhausting in the long run, but, in the face of fear of judgement and abandonment, at least for me personally, it all makes sense.

Lately I have been struggling with some mental health challenges, toxic relationships and behaviours, and although I have had challenges in the past as well, questioning my meaning, my purpose on this planet and whether it makes sense or not to continue to live anymore (yes, I did have suicidal thoughts as well, but did not do anything in that direction, insteads I reached out for psychiatric support and psychotherapy as well), in those kinds of situations its hard to watch the people that I thought cared for me and loved me slowly vanish away as they did not know how to react or simply felt overwhelmed by my personality or what I have been going through. Its quite sad to see that in the days that we are living right now there is still stigma around mental challenges and seeking out for professional help, be it in the form of therapy, psychiatry or even medication. I reached our for support mentally and physically, I reshaped my diet and lifestyle, but still commited to the vegan and raw vegan world, although I did have a few weeks off, due to experimentation, its ultimately the vegan diet and lifestyle that fits me best, so for that I am deeply grateful. But, I also had to make drastic changes when it comes to relationships, let go of some people, focus more on myself, accept being by myself, and just enjoying my own company.

Its true that relationships are a wonderful opportunity for healing, learning and growth, but when things get though, sometimes its just better to be by ourselves, mo matter how good intentions we might have still, we need to put our values, priorities, dreams in order first so that we can then be able to interact with the world, creating meaningful relationships that help us learn, grow, heal and evolve. Sometimes we might be finding ourselves stuck simply because we are not willing to let go of something that no longer serves us anymore, or maybe it never did, perhaps we learned a lesson, but maybe its not really what we need in our lives, maybe its not something that we want to invest into, get our energy and resources, time and our souls in order to make things work. Sometimes its just getting used to something being a certain way, its familiar and comfortable because we know what we can expect, but maybe its not neccessarily what we really need or want, but in order to get what we need or want, we have to get to know ourselves better first. Those times of contemplation, focus on ourselves and our values, our goals, needs and desires, sure can happen within or without being in a relationship, but what I like to call them, single reflection time, is a time specifically away from involvement in a relationship, when we just take a deep breath and reasses our direction and whether it makes sense for us further or should we perhaps make some changes.

I think its hard to be single, or just simply independent, self sufficient, self focused, when there are so many judgements and limiting beliefs, all kinds of myths our there about being single and different age groups, not being social enough, being to picky and so on and so forth. But the truth is that even when we are in a relationship with someone and the relationship is thriving and helping us heal, grow and evolve, we still need solo time, reflection time, time for activities that make sense for each one of us, we dont have to do everything together, and also we can be enjoying single time, when we have a clear purpose and direction for it. From my point of view, in life, meaning and purpose are the drivers that keep us moving forward, without something to be moving towards we just simply loose it, we loose our desire to live, to be someone, to become what we have dreamed of and to make our dreams come though.

For me personally when it comes to the dark night of the soul, its all about meaning and purpose, people get sick because of that, not just because of biological cause, so its pretty important to know what we want in life and act towards it. In the end, even if we go though challenging times, experience mental health difficulties, go though anxiety or deppression, there is always support out there when it comes to therapy and medication, but most importantly is the support within ourselves, we are in chage and responsable for our own lives, we haev to want to get better in order for it all to work. Life is a blessing so live it to the fullest and while you let yourself feel your feelings, remember, nothing is permanent, the only constant in life is change, so embrace it, hug it, love it, time trully and fully heals everything when we have a desire to heal ourselves and reach out to the guidance and support that we need.