impRAWvise 

As I have been going lately thorough some tough mental challenges and as I have been for the last year under constant medical supervision, now, as we are starting the process of getting me back into a normal life, without the meds, and with full support nutritional, mental, therapeutical, it sometimes, many times, looks like a challenge. Like a huge challenge. Of course, as I got over the stigma of using psychiatric medication and got on the medication, I knew it was not going to last forever, but as the ending of the medication protocol was approaching I found myself, once again wondering whether I was going to get any guarantees from now on, that I was going to be ok, even without the medication and that I was going to be able to once again live life to its fullest. Of course, in life, there are no guarantees, the only thing we have that we can rely on is our own presence, our own awareness and consciousness of where we are and where we are meant to be.

Dealing with mental health problems might be a life long journey, or just a chapter of our lives, but no matter what we process of the outcome might be, it is always worth is to try and do our best. And just like in therapy we are always confronted with an interesting theme, I find myself now at a place in time and space where it has tremendous significance: what have I learned from dealing with those challenges, those disturbances and those moments of working on myself and with myself, through the use of various therapeutic means. And for me personally the answer is clear, its an ongoing journey, a life learning process, and just as I have managed to overcome anorexia and eating disordered patterns through out the years, there is going to be a new level of awareness, and a new set of tools and skill that comes from overcoming depressive episodes, and being confronted with anxiety and panic attacks on a constant basis for the last year.

I am grateful for the medication and for all the therapeutic support, be it nutrition, exercise, talks, therapy, yoga, breathing exercises and so on. So far I have been able to use them as well as other life adjustments that I have become able to implement during this painful but meaningful journey throughout the last year such us: leaving behind a job and multiple relationships that were no longer serving me and my own wellbeing, starting new projects that serve me better such as joining a nutrition school, and starting a new job, finding a supportive community that I truly resonate with.

Those life changes, as hard as they were at the time, and as energy consuming as they were and they sometimes still are, were in fact what made it all make sense. So that now, at this present moment I can say, this is where I was, this is what I was confronted with, those are the adjustments that I have made and this is how far I have already came, and this is what I am moving towards. I used to place a lot of value on external things in order to fill that empty void inside, but only after a long time, I find myself coming back home to that safe place within myself, that place that was the one with all the kindness and happiness that I needed.

Medication is nor good or bad, it does not solve your problems, just like any other tool would not solve your problems without your own implication, but all the tools, no matter what they might, be as long as we are willing to ask for help, receive the help that is given to us and do the work, no matter how dark it may all seem at times and what dark thought we might have when we go wondering places of whether it all makes any sense, working on yourself is always worth it.

Making the hard choices, letting go of people, places, behaviours that no longer serve us and doing that with the support that we need is going to make sense, is all working out for a purpose, the purpose of being and staying alive and being able to bring our own unique contribution to the world. We never know what tomorrow might bring, we have no guarantees in life and if there is just a few things to be sure of, that we will continue to entertain with on a regular basis thought out our lives that some of those are definitely uncertainty and change. So to speak, the only constant elements in our lives are those.

Have you ever noticed that sometimes after you cry you feel lighter and you might even look brighter? That’s what I am talking about, the good cry, the good purge of what no longer serves as well as the establishment of better boundaries so that we can show up in the world as our best versions of ourselves and bring our unique and amazing way into it, instead of trying to fit into someone else’s expectations we do not particularly resonate with. Smile today, you are alive and well, and even if you are not, just remember, and I truly believe in this one, even though I still forget about it from time to time: we are truly and fully always guided and taken care of, and no matter what, in the end it all makes sense, it is all working our for the greater good, and most importantly for our own ability to be able to live life to its fullest in a beautiful, purposeful and meaningful way, so just smile!