impRAWvise 

I wrote about this topic for the first time a little while ago, in the previous years, but I did feel that it needs to be a part of this months experiment, so, here I am, today, as a part of my “December Experiment” of writing daily posts for a month, readressing this topic in order to see how my perspective may have changed, as it is natural to do so, over the past years. First time I wrote about this topic I recall a deep feeling of hurt, distrust as well as a sense of anger, a lack of belonging and a longing for emotional validation and understanding from another human being. As I write about this today, I am in a completely different state of mind, its not always easy to get into this state of mind, but, with constant exercise, it does get easier with time. Where I find myself today is in a state of flow, a state of being exactly where I need to be and doing exactly what I need and want to do. I see myself as a whole unique and amazing individual with my own talents as well as flaws, doing my best in order to embrace my life as it its, as well as looking forward to further healing and personal development and growth. I love it. I absolutely love it, this feeling of sync, and even though I was pushing past it for a while, I did end up listening to myself and giving myself this time and space to heal, to process and to integrate change as it naturally and organically unfolds. Sometimes, all we need to do is just take some time off what we are doing, take a step back, take a deep breath and reassess. Make sure that we are seeing the whole picture, as well as the details in it and that those matters are in fact in sync with what we want and need the most at this current stage in our beautiful and amazing lives. And then, it all simply unfolds gently and naturally in a wonderful and amazing way.

I have been dating this year, sure, and it’s been an interesting experience. I didn’t get very committed, there were only two encounters for a pretty short term, I would say, I mean, anything around a few months is pretty much a short term thing in the realm of relationships, I would say, but I did experience a nice connection with those guys, and it did feel like an interesting learning experience even though we did not end up in a long term relationship. Was it clear from the start that things would not work out in the long run? Actually yes, and I am not saying this to sound smug or anything, its just that when you are in therapy and working on yourself constantly you do develop and its also, normal for this to happen, a specific sense of its this going to be a mutual agreement and growth opportunity for the long run or not? But, even then, it doesn’t mean that things need to end immediately, sure, nothing radical or dangerous happened, but still, I like to try things out for a while eventually before I make a final conscious choice, and this is what I did as well for these two encounters, simply because, as we all know there might also be times, especially at the beginning part of any relationship when we encounter lots of fears or project onto the other person our own unresolved issues, but by staying open minded and being open to constantly learn and explore our own paths of socialising, as well as understand our perhaps, unhealed wounds from the best, we do get to understand ourselves better and make better more assumed choices.

in the last two months I did make a conscious choice to take a break from dating. Get back to this space and time that I call “single reflection time”, its a thing that I started drafting initially as a coping mechanism to help me navigate the uncertainty and overwhelm that came as a result of ending a long term relationship, that was clearly no longer serving anyone, but as we all know, its still going to be painful, even if we know we are doing the right things, and I continued to use this practice over the years, as a way to just reconnect with myself, especially in times of emotional uncertainty and ambivalence. Therefore, I did make this conscious choice to take some time off from dating, while also initially setting a goal for “until the end of the year”, it was actually November 1st when I decided this, so I like round concepts, therefore I made this a two months goal, it did feel awkward at first, I felt like I needed to do something to go out, have fun and so on and so forth, but then, as I embraced this discomfort, my mindset started to shift and as a result of that, the discomfort simply vanished gradually, thought the duration of an entire month, and then, this month, in December I just felt at peace with it and no longer like I needed to oppose it. Now I am just feeling aligned and in sync with my true needs and desires at the moment and I am simply loving this time and space, both mentally as well as physically for myself, to just enjoy some single reflection time. I am contemplating on extending it for the next year as well, I will for sure do that simply because it feels like the right thing to do at the moment, and like what I need the most right now therefore, all I need to do is set up another specific and measurable index and we are ready to go.

I personally feel like there is a lot of pressure, not only on the society level, but also from various media, that we might be finding ourselves deeply engaged with and on a constant basis, to just act a certain way, or to replicate the so called “traditional pathway” of getting married and having kids and so on and so forth. For me it was a choice (no marriage, no kids), that I took a very long time ago, but with which I do check in from time to time, on a regular basis in order to make sure it reflects my current wants, needs, values and desires, as well as a way to live my life truly and fully. I also believe that on a deeper level, we do have this feeling and this existential need, that from a survival point as well as from an evolutionary perspective does make sense, this need to fit it and thrive, to be one with the tribe, but the truth is, also for me personally, that is also, especially in todays day and age, a lot to gain from going against the grain, from being different and from speaking up our truth, we do not need to be all doing the same thing in order to respect and trust each other. As a matter of fact diversity and inclusion, as they are also on the rising trends in the past years, are also a great part of human life in general. The same applies for dating, as well, as it applies to other things, and its not just the way in which we choose to do something, be it dating or something else, but also in the ways in which we might restraint ourselves, so to speak from something, not in a bad way, but instead in a meaningful way. Human connections and relationships are for sure wonderful, and a great source of both pleasure and pain, and sometimes we do find ourselves through another human being, or though the interactions and exchanges with another human being, but sometimes, we might be finding ourselves in the silence of simply being and breathing in solitude. Both ways have deep meaning and can be bringing amazing value into our lives, especially when we need it the most. Stay true to yourself and enjoy, as well as embrace this journey called life, as it unfolds. Have a wonderful day ahead!