impRAWvise 

This is a very imperfect post. I just felt like I needed to say this, like right from the start, as a somehow gentle, yet subtle, I hope, disclaimer, not that any of my other posts are anywhere near perfectionism, nor should they be, but I just feel that especially this one right here, right now, its a very imperfect piece of my mental space. Therefore, what do I think about when I am talking about this years reflections, (as I love to do this on a regular basis, you might already know from the other posts, I love to set goals and track them, as well as reflect upon the personal development process as it might unfold)? So, here we go. To say it’s been a horrible year, is to underestimate it all and be a little bit reductionistic as well. Of course there have been good things happening as well, but the general feeling was one of despair and constant panic about what needs to be resolved next. I also do not want to sound ungrateful, I did receive a lot of help and support from close friends and family members as I was navigating this years emotional fluctuations that resulted from all kinds of changes that needed to be made, therefore I am deeply and truly grateful for their input, but it was a difficult time.

My nervous system was definitely more than overwhelmed at times. And I was also putting a lot of energy into resisting changes that would have to happen eventually instead of just allowing it and letting go of the desire to control things that were definitely out of my control. This has only exacerbated the overall energy consumption both from a physical level, as well as a mental level, making things more dramatic, and eventually worsening the whole process. But, it did eventually all fall into place, got a new job, got off medication for anxiety, got a second dog, moved to a new place, been through lots of medical investigation (which are still ongoing, but that’s a subject for the new years goal post, so we will leave it there for now), and so on and so forth. But, there was also something really, really wonderful that happened this year, and that one thing just helped me tremendously to stay focused on what matters most, have faith that it will eventually all settle at some point, and most of all, that one thing helped me keep my hope for the future, especially in the darkest of all times, where I thought there was absolutely no hope.

That one thing that kept me going even in and through the darkest night of the soul, especially when I was loosing ground and thought it would all be falling apart eventually, when I felt like my life and my being were actually torn down to pieces, was the help and support that I received this year from a very kind and nice person towards training initially Maya, and afterwards both of my dogs, Maya and Lola. We didn’t have much conversations about other topics, then the dogs related topics, but this person would just continue to show up in their own unique ways when I needed it the most, for me personally its been more than just helping me train my dogs, its been mostly about giving me hope, hope that something can be done, hope that things can and do improve with time and consistent practice, and hope, that eventually no matter what you might be dealing with at some point in time and space there is somewhere out there help, help that you can seek out for, ask for, and that you can then eventually receive and see how much of a difference it can make towards improving your life, as well as your overall wellbeing.

This person expected nothing in return from me for its generous kindness and sharing of knowledge and experience when it comes to the dogs training subjects, it was just an act of true altruism, a gesture of such beauty and wonder that I have never experienced before in my life. No one has ever done something like that for me, without expecting at some point something in return, but this person, this year, has thought me a noble lesson: its never to late to start believing that eventually good things can and do happen, no matter how dark it might all appear in the moment, there is always a little bit of light that shines at the end of the tunnel. You just have to keep searching for it and it will eventually appear and things will start to turn around, in a favourable way. I think that this is exactly the reason why this persons impact on my life has been so significant this year, even though the conversations would mostly revolve around dog related topics, on a more holistic level, for me it was all about perspective, this interaction helped me stay grounded and focused and trust that things can and do change for the better with practice and perseverance. And that’s exactly what it was meant to be after all.

At some points in time I kept thinking about returning the favor, but that’s the point, this is not about returning the favor, this is actually about the thing that you need the most finding you exactly at the moment when you need it the most and in the way in which you need it the most, therefore I have chosen to let go of the “returning the favor” thing and just focus instead on how deeply grateful I am for manifesting this into my life. The truth is that I value so much my independence that I find it very hard at times to reach out and ask for help, but somehow with this person it was different, no matter what happened I felt like I could trust that he would continue to help me no matter what, and that I can count on him helping me, which was a bit weird but as I was resisting so many other things in my life at the time, I thought, ok lets just give it a try. Sometimes the things and the help or support that we might need the most comes in unconventional ways, but if we do decide to just go with the flow and trust the process we might actually end up in a better place than before and with some wonderful new tools and resources to use in order to make our lives more meaningful and purposeful on a day to day basis.